In grief's wake, we all tick to a surreal clock. Reality is deeply distorted. Salvidor Dali's most recognizable work "The Persistence Of Memory" becomes the landscape of our days. I've spoken to many about this altered state, and have found that the walking wounded indeed reside together among the soft and melted pocket watches of our collective experience of pain.
It is also true that time has the magic ability to heal. But in the process of rebuilding, I am finding that I am slower. I often feel like my internal "gears" haven't been wound up properly yet. Perhaps when our hearts are crushed, they stop beating in their regular rhythm just like a broken clock. For many, a deceleration happens to allow ample space for processing and assimilating pain. We slow down simply without choice. Some do just the opposite. A good friend, who's husband passed away suddenly, said that she speeded up in order to not have room in her day for the pain. Slow or swift, our relationship with the passing of time is influenced deeply during a crisis and the aftermath. Compassion will help put the pieces together again. Keeping this in mind is important for all who are suffering or those supporting them.
Our pendulum will swing back and forth, slowly righting itself to the rest of the world as we move forward.
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I just wrote about healings of the heart in my HeartFull living group ... it seems like that shift in time is necessary for however our hearts need to recover and it is a process best left to its own magic. What I mean is that fussing and "trying" and expecting recovery to happen in a certain manner or timetable never works. It is like me and orchids: when I give them the minimum care - light, warmth, the occasion watering & feeding - and leave them to do what they do best it's no surprise, they bloom! But I have fussed and pushed and tried too hard and have killed many an orchid in the process. I think my heart is like my orchids and I can trust it to mend. In its proper time. I love that piece - and I love you for this space ... and for reminding me we are all worth this tender care. xo
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said!
ReplyDeleteOh Maya, thank you so much for posting this xx I am learning to live with grief from a terrible event last year, and this rings so true. I never realised it before, but I am slower. I hadn't been able to explain it but you have just done it for me. My heart was crushed, and things are now out of their normal rhythm. Time and patience will help right things, I hope. In the meantime, its ok to go a little slower, and its time to stop feeling bad or guilty about my current pace. Much love to you, and thank you! xx
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